EQUAL AND FAIR ARE NOT THE SAME

For years I have watched parents who believe that it is only fair to buy and give equally to each child. I offer that it is not a good way to set up expectations in children. What makes gifts equal? Must they all be the same though the children's ages and interests are different? Must the same amount of money be spent on each to make them equal? We all know that sometimes children get more pleasure from something that has far less monetary value than something a sibling may have chosen. Sometimes the needs are NOT equal.
A toy for an older child may be more expensive because it is more complicated. Love is not proven by equal spending. One's children can never be 'equal', even if they are identical twins. They are not clones. While a parent may feel equally responsible for and to each child, that parent cannot guarantee forever having the same positive or negative feelings for each child.

In competitive sports, play is not equal. Fair is determined by a single set of rules which all players are expected to follow. Someone has written about Planet Equal and Planet Fair. It is said quite nicely so that even children can understand the difference in the concept. Now if parents can learn the difference, kids may grow up with more reasonable life expectations. The concept is even in family businesses where expectations for equal compensation exist where there is not equal work and input.