DEFINING YOURSELF Part 2

Part 1 did not discuss the degree of effect other people influence how we define ourselves.  Parents who continually call their kids 'stupid' or other pejorative names, teachers who do nothing positive to support a child, persons of authority neither protecting a child against sexual abuse not refrain from committing it themselves, and those who do not listen to children and try to determine how they see themselves contribute to negative self-images.

When children have low self-esteem, they do not work toward goals for which they get no positive reinforcement.  They may get stomach aches,m head aches and, without question, live under great psychic stress manifesting itself in illnesses, lethargy, depression, acting out and dangerous behavior to mention a few.

Children may not have the words to describe how they feel about themselves but they give off clues that tell a great deal.  Most children may become shy and 'internalize' the negatives they feel about themselves.  In households where the adults do not share much about themselves, children may feel responsible for the unhappiness, illness, death, or divorce in the family.

Until a person can develop a strong sense of self, they are dependent on the feedback they get from others. If they have previously been traumatized, have PTSD, a visible disability for which their mobility, intellectual capacity, or appearance is compromised, they do not have a fertile foundation in which to grow a good sense of self without a great deal of external support  If they are clinically depressed, that empty feeling in the pit of their stomach that never goes away, makes it impossible for them to accept that people are being sincere when giving compliments.

Children who have low esteem grow up to be adults with low self-esteem unless they have had a great deal of help to see themselves differently.  However, even when grows up with self-confidence it can be lost in adulthood by negative and unfair work evaluations, firing off a job, divorce, false arrest, and so many other unpleasant life experiences.

The bumper sticker which suggests committing a random act of kindness would make all our lives far more pleasant.

DEFINING YOURSELF

We are not born as a finished product.  Not to many years ago it was thought that all humans were born with equal potential.  We have now learned that is not true.  For years, people toyed with the question of whether we are the product of Nature or Nurture.  The answer is that we are both.  When people claim to be self-made, they are talking nonsense.  We do not develop in a vacuum.

Ask yourself what comes into your head.  Do you hear voices from a parent, a mentor, a priest or pastor, quotes you have heard, or a bit of all the above and more?  Most of us have forgotten the sources which have provided us with a code we have adopted as our own.  For example, long before alcoholics had developed the Serenity Prayer as though it was their invention, life had taught me not to waste time worrying about things over which I have no control.  That alone makes ordering the priorities in your head so much more efficient.

Individual chemistry as well as past experiences determine whether we feel safe, capable, or can think of choices of behavior to deal with situations.  In a plane, why make yourself ill from fear of its crashing.  If you die suddenly you have no need to worry about whom or what you have left behind.if you live each day as though it might be your last by having an intact will and no secrets from your loved ones, financial planner, lawyer or anyone who will need to deal in some way with your death.  Leaving little uncovered or unsaid is important.

The kind of person we believe ourselves to be is also important.  Do we behave as we see ourselves by others?  Tomorrow's blog speak to this in a part 2.

REGULATION

Wikipedia defines regulation.  It begins: "Regulation is administrative legislation that constitutes or constrains rights and allocates responsibilities. "For more from Wikipedia, click here.  Someone on MSNBC said It is regulation when they are looking out for us".  It should always be looking out for us.  However, it cannot be apparent to us when it is in an unfamiliar area and we get inundated by lies from ads and lobbyists against what is best for the people but good for banks, corporations and others not looking out for the people but for themselves.

We know how gullible a great portion of the public is.  It's is not a part of their day to listen to news and read politics all day.  Most rely on the evening news or what the hear from others who may or may not be more knowledgeable than they abut only more opinionated and vocal.

 A country without regulations is as reliable as a ship without a rudder or an automobile without breaks.  If the country is seen as a family model, it would be a family with no contact with what the children are doing, though they have not the maturity to make their own decisions with objectivity.  Anyone who says we should have no regulations is clearly speaking from a self-serving position.  We ought not to listen to them and, certainly, we ought not to vote them into office.

Imagine a hospital with no regulations.  The doctors could revert to blood-letting as a treatment for all illnesses, no training to do their job, not collect CMEs to keep up with changing and new treatments, charge whatever they want for doing guess work, and lots of people would die.  The analogy is not different when we are talking finance houses.  People are risking other people's money and have lost too much of it because they have dealt with it in self-serving choices rather than what might be best for the investor.  The Attorney General and his staff have been looking into Wall St for the past few years.  We stay hopeful that they will take some action soon on all the evidence they have been acquiring.

ANOTHER STEP TO ECONOMIC RELIEF

The country is now in the process of cleaning up the deposits on figurative lawns made by dogs without leashes  For those who like to stay informed, another site to be added to you  review is OpenSecrets.org, (The Center for Responsive Politics).

Today's article was about most members of Congress enjoying a robust financial status, despite the nation's sluggish economic recovery.  Small wonder that Congress hears none of the voices from Occupy Wall St.  It is time that a citizen push be made to take all decisions of self-interest our of the hands of the Congress.  If ever there was a conflict of interest that is a blatant one.

Raises and perks over and above the flat salary of all Representatives and Senators should be subject to the same procedures that corporations and other employers follow.  An evaluation of the work, stated goals and to what degree they were met, and financial decisions made on the basis of what is happening with the rest of the country's workers some of whom are as unskilled as many Representatives who do not know their job, the Constitution, do not follow the world situation or much else they should know..

Nov 15 - "As the deadline approaches for the supercommittee to agree on $1.2 trillion in cuts to the federal budget, the influence of one unelected player may make the difference, the Wall Street Journal reported. Antitax advocate Grover Norquist could be a big reason for the supercommittee’s stalemate, thanks in part to his nonprofit’s deep pockets." -(Opensecrets.org).

Tonight, Lawrence O'Donnell on his re-write segment showed that Republican Senator from Pennsylvania, Pat Toomey, pointed out that it will not violate the Grover Norquist pledge if the Bush lowered taxes revert to what they were in the Clinton era when the time limit runs out and they just are not renewed..

REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES PLAYING MUSICAL CHAIRS BUT SEEM NOT TO KNOW WHEN THE MUSIC HAS STOPPED.

How are we to interpret the swiftly moving poll scores?  Conservatives don't like Mitt Romney though most Republicans seem to think his choice will be inevitable.

The money being bet is probably enough to lower our National debt but that won't happen.  My guess is that little money obtained from gambling gets to the general economy.  Gamblers just keep recycling it, except for the jewelry high rollers fund for their wives, mistresses or girlfriends.

It would seem that even some of the Republicans are smart enough to see they are in trouble.  It makes me wonder what Grover Norquist holds over the signers of the pledge that makes them so fearful to defy it.

Several, which included Cain, Bachmann,  do not think waterboarding is torture and would willing bring it back.  Cain, however, said additionally that he would go along with the military in this, not realizing that it was the CIA who thought to use it while the military is against it.

We who are older all feeling sorry for Perry's brain freeze but Cain has even topped him on that.  Cain had a total brain freeze that lasted several minutes about Libya.  He started to infer that he disagreed with Obama's handling but, then, it appeared that he realized he didn't know anything about it and didn't know whether Obama handled it well or not.

That there is not one strong Republican candidate says something (I'm not sure what but it does say something) about the lack of credible candidates for the office.  Not one of them, after all this time and talk and hoo-hah campaigning has indicated readiness for prime time in the Oval office. .

WHEN FREE ISN'T CHEAP ENOUGH AND DOESN'T GIVE AWAY ENOUGH....

There is a great site called the Newseum.  It gives a map and allows you to click on a dot in any number of areas and get the front page of the local newspaper. Their disclaimer reads: 
"Through a special agreement with more than 800 newspapers worldwide, the Newseum displays these front pages each day on its website. The front pages are in their original, unedited form, and some may contain material that is deemed objectionable to some visitors. Discretion is advised.
Anyone seeking permission to use a front page must credit the Newseum and contact the newspaper directly for permission. U.S. copyright laws apply."

Does 'use a front page' mean reading it, copying it in total, or using information from it to discuss a topic as long as credit is given to the source.  Once a newspaper is published the information becomes public. Copy-write laws apply and plagiarism is frowned upon.  However, the content, which is intellectual and may or may not be fatual, then should be available to anyone to comment, dissect, opine on, or whate4ver else we all do when we read a newspaper.  I understand the spirit of the message but I wish it were worded in a less off-putting fashion.

LIFE, CLOTHING, AND MAKEUP ARE MORE CASUAL THAN THEY HAVE BEEN IN MANY DECADES

Years ago, someone who owned a successful cosmetics company said that research showed that cosmetics and clothing sales held up even during depressed times.  Appearance seemed more important a few decades ago than it is today.  Rather,. it seems that, while these comments are completely anecdotal, it makes me wonder if the experience of the couple's business in past decades is holding up today.

When those comments were made to me, women tried to do it all at home, whereas today they are trying to do it all at the workplace as well as home  They certainly never wore running shoes to work and rarely wore pants or dungarees.  Today people do not stress 'dressing up' for work, eating out, or evening entertainments venues, and I've even seen people dressed in jeans at Symphony.  Few restaurants today keep neck ties and jackets oir men in all sizes for those not considered ‘properly’ dressed for fine dining.

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  wonder at the degree where those things have seemed to change today.   Certainly standards of perfection have shifted.  Women no longer look like professional actresses with their faces painted on.  A natural look prevails on their faces as does a casual look in clothing.  There is more attention paid to health, exercise, and not smoking.  Cocktail parties are fewer, in fact almost non-existent in today’s world where people are cautioned not to drink and drive.

Is the impetus economic or a response to the environment and wish to conserve resources?

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