Saturday, June 13, 2009

THINGS SOME GUESTS DO THAT P**S ME OFF

Guests often do strange things if you tell them to make themselves 'at home'. If you've been to their home, keep the picture in your mind. It makes my teeth grate when they do not shut doors...in the winter wasting expensive gas heating...in the summer wasting central air conditioning. It also brings in flies and bugs and I am vehement that nothing lives in my house that is uninvited or not paying rent.

When people treat my bathrooms as they would a motel, leaving toilet seats up and dropping soaking wet towels on the floor, I find this insensitive, especially since they are less than three feet from a hamper and know there are women in the house.

The offer to help when refused should be be respected; I would like my refusal to be heard as an order, not a suggestion. I have lost too many expensive or difficult to replace pieces of silverware and small kitchen tools down the disposal by 'helpful guests'. Too many of my thin-lipped, slim-stemmed crystal have been broken. I keep thin-lipped crystal because the heavy stuff makes me drool as I do after Novocaine. Typical Martini glasses, wide perimeter, shallow bowl, stemmed, are a disaster. Because I tend to move quickly, the Martini tends to hit me on each ear before my palate gets to taste.

I'm not sure whether it is a new trend in our every changing society, but I also do not appreciate flatulent guests who don't bother to leave the room or even indicate that they didn't fully intend to gift me with an odoriferous zephyr and not even a, "Pardon me!"

And last, it would be nice if people respected boundaries. I once had overnight guests who arose in the morning before I did and cheerily announced that they had taken the liberty to tour the house. Since it was 'a fait accomplis' there was little I could do, though they weren't invited back.

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