Today I was waiting until I got a new wireless keyboard installed because my $2.99 keyboard (that I bought as an accessory to my laptop, seldom used,) was drawn into full service to one of my desktops that had died just before I left for the hospital for a colonoscopy.
Hospitals are, perhaps, where we wait the longest. Scheduled .for 12 noon for the procedure, I was finally taken in at 1:30 PM. The nurse who was going to hook me up to the intravenous saline and whatever else they gave for pain and relaxation, told me I was a 'roller'. Unfamiliar with the term in present use, I had images of Las Vegas and knew that meaning to be far from the truth. She said it meant that when she stuck the needle in, instead of going through to its target, the vein just rolled. Not only that but she said she hit a 'valve' and it 'blew up'. By now I figured we needed a plumber, for sure. Instead, she said she was calling in the 'big guns'. A much older nurse arrived, used a thinner needle, tried again, and said she had to call in a specialist. A very kind, gentle, 'expert' told me why they couldn't get blood...asked if I had taken the 'prep to the procedure' which, I assured her, I had as directed.. She told me the reason I saw big veins on the back of my hands the night before, and not today, was that I was dehydrated. Since I had taken all that was prescribed to leave me vying for colon cleanliness with whoever has the Guinness book of records on it, I was plugged into the intravenous bag dripping saline solution. I could only wish they had plumbed me into it earlier rather than trying to find a vein to pierce in my dehydrated hands but that would have been cart before the horse and impossible..
I was knocked out even though I had asked not to be and they said they couldn't knock me out without an anesthesiologist present. I was told they only gave something to loosen muscles and relax one but thqat some patients fall asleep.in waiting mode. I woke up only after the amnesic drug they had given me wore off quite a while later.
A friend drove me home, first stopping at Staples to pick up a new keyboard. However, Morpheus creeped in where computers feared to tread so here I am, a few hours later than usual. Sorry you had to wait for this blog...if any of you actually were kind enough to do so.
3 comments:
Ken Levine's colonoscopy prep
http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/2009/04/this-is-why-you-need-to-follow-me-on.html
Well cuz, I can relate to your recent adventures with a few exceptions. I also had a procedure done today as well. The difference is they explored a different tunnel. Let's just say they were looking for something in the abdomen area and the tunnel they used.....well you ain't got one. The first part of the procedure was a CT scan of the abdominal region. They placed an inject-able dye into a vein in my arm which actually unlike yours, don't roll...you think they would with all their past use. As the dye is going in there is a warming sensation that makes you feel like your peeing all over yourself. The technician assured me I wasn't. After the 3 passes back and forth under the CT scanner were completed I was taken into another room to see my friend the urologist. But before he came into the room his 65 year old nurse had to prep the "area to be used" with a numbing fluid which didn't numb much in hindsight. As she was applying the prep fluid she was chatting with me and handling me like we were taking a walk together in the park. Once this awkward moment was over my friend the doctor came in.
He entered the room with a smile a handshake and a black hose about 3 feet long with a camera attached to one end. This hose also had a hollow opening that would allow for the addition of fluids to distend the bladder and prepare my innards for the photo session. As he's doing his part, I'm squirming all over the table in pain as he's looking on the monitor asking if I want to watch. To which I let him know it was hard to keep my eyes open when I'm grimacing in pain from the garden hose he put inside me. To which he replied, that hurts? About then is when I said to him "you've never been on the receiving end of one of these have you"? He chuckled and said no. After about 4 minutes which seemed like 30 he was done turned the lights off on the camera yanked out the garden hose and said it all looks good in there. Shook my hand and headed off to the next victim. Good news is that it's done and he didn't find anything out of the normal. Bad news is that this will be one of memories that will stick with me and I will remember for days to come......
Love, Dan O
Dan, I never know whether I should be grateful that medical science has come so far or just wish that, as in the past, when things got too bad, there was oblivion. Afterthought...we are better off now, because like childbirth, we are way better off later and pasin is one of those things you forget...only remember that you had it.
Post a Comment