CRITICISM AND INSULTS

As frequently happens to me, I began to try to define those things that I believe to be constructive criticism; separating them from those that are just mean statements. It seems that it is fair to criticize anything that the recipient of the criticism about which something can be done to change it, like behavior, appearance (of anything that Nature didn't provided, or knowledge.

Criticism can be seen as positive or negative, depending on how it is delivered. An example might be, " Aargh, that tattoo is ugly." versus "It is difficult for me to appreciate pictures on skin, though I know many people love it." Tact has to be a very large part of any criticism. If one respects that people don't learn when they are feeling assaulted; they are too busy defending themselves. A gentle and tactful approach will be heard far more readily than an abrupt, negative one.

When people displace their anger and annoyances with mean responses to one not responsible for their ire, the criticized one may remain quite puzzled and hurt. If his/her sense of self is shaky to begin with, it may be taken as a truth and be added to years of emotional abuse, when repeated often. We see it as just mean; but rarely can we quantify the psychic damage. We need always ask ourselves whether we are giving new and useful information or just being mean, venting our own pain, or punishing someone we love for no provocation.