We all speculate...at least those of us that think. However, those who then go on to assume that their speculations are fact, cause trouble. In a recent discussion with a friend, he was observing the behavior of a couple who had been married for several decades. He was convinced the wife was angry at her husband for his too many activities. "Based on what?", I asked. He replied,'When my wife was alive she was angry because I spent too much time on Boy Scouting activities. I reminded her of the necessity for our four sons'
The conversation bothered me because he was insisting he was correct. My response that it might be true but he had no proof beyond his own guess didn't deter him from his conclusion. He insisted that I could be as wrong in assuming the wife was not angry as he was in assuming she was.That annoyed me. I was not assuming she wasn't angry.. Both did a great many things with each other as well as many independent activities.. My reply was, "She has given me no indication that she is angry at him when we have talked."
As a psychotherapist I try never to make assumptions. (You may all remember Benny Hill claiming we mustn't assume because, when we do (as he wrote ass/u/me),' we make an ass out of you and me'. I speculate mightily and work towards finding the truth so as not to waste therapy time. People do not realize the potential damage done because of assumptions. Our media pundits do it all the time. Those who don't believe a person on trial who doesn't seem repentant (though they may not be guilty) , must in fact be guilty. They do our justice system a great disservice. They never stop to think that a clinically depressed person shows no facial reflection of emotions.
Beware! Do not 'ass/u/me'. Assuming is gambling. You may do it at the race track, or buying chance tickets, at your own risk. Do not do it with other people's lives.
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