Controlling nightmares

As a child there was an occasional dream in which I was falling, nothing under my feet but space, water, rocks, concrete, whatever might be below something from which I might fall. Since I was told by my superstitious mother that dreams were a predictor of future events, they became even more alarming. Whenever I was in a high place, awake, I would begin to get violent tingles behind my knees and my heart pounded.

It had never occurred to me that dreams, or even nightmares, can be controlled by the sleeping mind. Now, I'm not talking about today, but rather, more than 60 years ago; a time before computers, sleep and dream studies, brain scans, instant knowledge through the Internet, and search engines. At that time, surrounded by belief in the Evil Eye, the need for things to be blessed, fasting and communion, everything seemed beyond human (or, at least, my control).

By chance, I read an article in Reader's Digest, one of the few sources of information from outside my family at that time, which described that dreams of falling are quite typical and that, since no one has ever landed from that long fall and lived, one doesn't actually land or die in those dreams. That fit my dreams, so the next time I had one I told myself in my dream that I would not land. I held my arms out and swooped up like a bird and watched the earth below me get smaller and smaller. To this day, though a whole lifetime has passed, I rarely on occasion see myself falling. Then find myself flying above my world, effected simply by talking to myself in my dream and saying, "You can't and won't hit the bottom, fly away."

In today's world I find that people make a living by teaching people to do this. It is now called lucid dreaming. It is not unusual to find many people re-inventing the wheel. Most of us have been told forever that a way to control one's temper is to count to ten before speaking or acting on it. Years ago, working for a behavior therapist, he announced in a co-therapy session that he had invented a new behavioral technique to control angry outbursts, He called it 'time delay'. The patients and I eagerly asked him how to do it. He said, "You pause and count to ten before you do or say anything."

We all too often assume complexity and impossibility when simplicity is before us. Interpreting someone else's dreams is about as accurate as reading tea leaves, using tarot cards, or other rip-offs of gullible people. There are lots of people out there ready to 'interpret' your dreams....at a price. My personal belief is that your brain, a computer, gets de-fragmented at night as it shifts information around from short to long term storage and makes choices. You have some control as to how disturbing this may be to you. There are many other factors involved and much research continues, as I continue to happily dream on.

Loving Music

There are more CDs and other opportunities to listen to music in my house than I ever imagined possible. I can even make a mix of music I like free on Pandora.com. Why then do people have to do illegal sharing in such vast quantities? This 32 year old woman had 1700 songs. I don't think I can fit listening to that in my lifetime and get anything else done.

Given the number of people who shared files, why is this one woman a target? Apparently because she was unwilling to settle. My confession is that I never used KaZaa, not because I cared about the music companies, they have (in my opinion) been ripping off the consumers for years, but rather, because I didn't trust the sharing process...opening up my computer to all the world seemed too dangerous to me. This is a rare occasion when being 'chicken' paid off for me. Ads and spybots were built in. It feels too much like 1984 crept in and Big Brother is watching us everywhere.

The music companies are seeing their own demise through their own greed. With recording equipment getting more affordable to many musicians, I love that they are peddling their own stuff. Possibly, like global warming, that will take many years to do its thing. We are seeing the beginning of the end of the people who use other's talents to make outrageous profits with no musical talent of their own, ( the raping of talent), and taking a far greater share for themselves that the performers usually get.

Nature's planning

Yesterday I passed an Azalea bush in my yard and noted that it has put forth two weak little blossoms. It is clearly confused because now is not the time, after it had rewarded me with beautiful, deep red blossoms all over itself, in the springtime, for letting it live in my yard

This fall shows little colorful foliage as we have not yet had a hard frost. The bright side to that is that the gas bill is not as high. The furnace doesn't go on. The electric bill is lower because the A/C doesn't need to be on. The night's are cool and it keeps the house at good temperature all day.

The major dilemma is what to wear. I had stopped hunting for the summer clothes I put away last year and couldn't find. Life is full of dilemmas for which someone wrote a lovely little poem. Naturally, those aware of global warming will be placing the blame there. However, it matters naught to me. As far as I am concerned, it can stay Indian Summer forever. I love the warmth and will probably not be around when all the glaciers have finished melting and Earth becomes uninhabitable for the human race.

Being old is not always bad....

Recently, in Vermont, I was hugged by several people whom I had not seen for years, and some whom I was just meeting for the first time. One man, the recent husband of a woman I had met at my home in MA, gave me the 'perfect hug'.

We met friends in the restaurant when we arrived after the 3 1/2 hour drive from our home. I was immediately hugged by the owners, a lovely couple whom I've known for years. These were typical, happy hugs, demonstrating pleasure at seeing me and returned in the same vein.

My second hug was from my daughter's boyfriend. It was warm, yet appropriately unenthusiastic. The next hug was the perfect hug. The man, whom I was just meeting, followed suit with a hug in greeting and, being muscular, not too tall, and clearly comfortable hugging a stranger, gave me a completely encompassing, bear hug that was as gentle as it was surrounding. I told him in front of all the others that he gave the best hug I have had in years! This lovely gentleman insisted on giving me a hug every time we met during the weekend and I enjoyed each one. My daughter said she suspected that might be true but has kept her distance, fearful of her girlfriend's reaction.

It then occurred to me that no much younger woman can be jealous of an overweight, white-haired old lady! Another plus, added to the few I am discovering, being old has for me.

What to call the husband of a woman president

The most ridiculous discussion I have heard recently on MSNBC was what the role of Bill Clinton as 'First Lady' might be. It frightens me to think of the rigid minds dealing with that. What is wrong with calling him 'First husband', or 'First spouse'? There was a traditional gender oriented role in the past. The first lady focused on menus, decorating and running the White House, etc. Two silly women discussed this. Apparently many people are now grappling with that issue. There may not be a precedent in this country because we are not first to recognize the political abilities of woman. Other countries have voted women into the highest office. Why does this country continue to consider itself a leader of the world. We are exceedingly backward in today's world!

Many years ago the issue was worked out with Dr. and Mrs. X, who might also be Dr. X and Dr. Y, who might also be married. They may also have been called the Drs. X. With the world in the turmoil it is in, isn't it wonderful that small minds try to get a handle on this huge problem and make such a production out of it.

"The past is a great place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there."

Everything not in the present is in the past. I never wish to be there. Yet I often wonder if I am wishing my life away, always looking for what is to come, less back at what has been.

Recently I stayed at my cabin in Vermont for an overnight, for the first time in more than four years. We had bought it as our replacement for the Maine island 'get-away' family visited for almost a century but to which there was no longer access. A second inducement was that a son and his family lived a few miles away.

After a few years my son and family moved away and our lives back home became busy with hobbies, not easily portable. The upkeep of even a small rustic place became tedious, the battle with nature omnipresent. A place is less exciting when you no longer need to 'get away from it' or 'get to' it. The 225 mile drive was beautiful in all kinds of weather, but long and often dangerous in the winter. Visiting in the present was like coming home to a place that had become, 'just another place I occupied for a while'. The cabin engendered neither sadness nor joy. It was then I realized that a place is never as important as the people with whom one is surrounded. My life has changed and the community and I had moved on. The faces are younger. Places and people who were there are not there today.

I thought of a recent drive past my childhood home. It no longer exists and has been replaced by a village of fancy condominiums. Almost nothing is recognizable around there but a few street names. No matter, it lives in my memory. That which I have forgotten never existed unless someone reminds me and I bring it out of my brain's backup storage. New memories are always being tucked away. Once something is in the past and I can change nothing, it is put in storage. I sincerely believe that 'If one ignores history, one is doomed to repeat it'. I suppose some day they will slip away with the rest of my brain cells and then I will have no past. I used to think that was sad but now can see that, should that day come, I won't know the difference!