AN UNEXPECTED GIFT AMONG MANY

After writing that I had stopped Christmas letters I heard from some who yearly send me their own and I was afraid they would withhold theirs because of what I wrote. I was referring strictly to my own, which I considered pretty dull from year to year, as: "I am still doing *****", "I still attend****", "My hobbies still are ****", "I'm getting older****", etc.

I especially love to hear from former patients of mine. It is like keeping track of extended family. Through the years I have watched families grow, children losing their baby teeth, the braces stage, and ultimately becoming figurative swans. If any ever read this blog, please keep those letters coming...it's only mine I want stopped!! I have practiced psychotherapy for so long now that it is a joy to be seeing the children of patients I had in the past. I'm a known commodity who also saves time for them because the history part can largely be skipped...I already know their family history.

One of the most unexpected Christmas gifts I could have received has been hearing from people who have taken the time to write about how much they have enjoyed reading my blog when they can. I bumped into a friend, of 41 years, today in a store whom I have not seen for quite some time. He told me he tries to check the blog when he can and how much he has enjoyed what he has read of it. I felt like the kid that sang "All I want for Christmas is my two front teef, my two front teef...." and got them. Browsing through one of my many Christmas Carol books, I found one new to me: THE ONLY THING I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS (Is Just to Keep the Things I've Got.) It brought tears to my eyes as I said to myself, "But that should be MY song"! Life is far less stressful when you don't want more luxuries, more junk for the label it wears, a replacement for the newest model of everything you own, but just enough to keep life a happy one. I've learned that doesn't take a lot for me. A kind word and a bit of praise really goes such a long way!!!

BEING COLD AND UNCOMFORTABLE

My parents were both of Mediterranean descent. I was born to be warm. It is difficult to stay warm in a house that has the thermostat in the warmest, most sheltered room where I spend the least time in the day. It has taken me years to get over the notion that the thermostat should not be set above 70 degrees. At 73 degrees my bedroom (on moderately cold nights) is about 59 degrees at its warmest. Each room in the house varies by a few degrees, all in cooler direction.

Some people make me feel cold when they are perspiring while I am alive with goosepimples. Today I ran the gamut of body temperature, mimicking the NE weather. I got out of a warm bed into a bedroom that was 61 degrees. Next room, I sat down on a cold seat that chilled me further from the waist down to the toes. In the kitchen I then heated water and made an instant cup of mocha cappuccino. I started warming a bit from the inside. Then I jumped into a warm shower and felt warm all over until I stepped out of the shower into a cold room and wiped down with a cold towel; then walked to my cold bedroom and got dressed in cold clothes. Now I was chilled to the bone again. Shortly afterwards, I left the house to get even more cold as I walked into a cold car. People in the front seat who have hot air blowing into their faces may forget that the air is not reaching the back of the humongous SUV middle seat. As the car began to warm it was time to get out and take a cold walk to a warm store, roast with my coat on then leave to go back into the cold air and into a cold car.

And so the day went on...and on....and on. I have concluded that body-temperature constantly adjusting can be exhausting....I wonder why it doesn't work as a great dieting tool! It is not to be analyzed. I don't think I minded leaving my mother's womb. However, I have only enjoyed life when I am warm. Discovering an electric mattress pad has made going to bed a far more pleasant experience than trying to lay my cold body on a cold mattress and trying to get warmth from an empty source. Once in bed, I turn off the mattress heat and by morning am sticking my feet out from under the covers to lower the boiling point reached sometime while I was sleeping.
Before I leave my warm bed and get out into the cold and discomfort again, I daydream about warmth and the all too brief summer I am looking forward to feeling in a few months. I will get thawed out just in time for the next winter in New England!

NEIGHBORHOOD CAROLING

My street is only one block long and I don't know everyone on it. However, the neighborhood on a street around the corner has adopted me as a member of their community. Even though I hate the cold and it had snowed all day, I surprised myself and joined the Christmas caroling group. They had come to my house (because I have the piano and play, to do a bit of warm up and practice) before they went back out onto the street to carol. Flashing briefly with a moment of insanity I said, "Wait, let me get boots and my coat (I actually added gloves, a hat and a scarf) and I will join you." These lovely people waited for me and we went to the first house.

Each of us had a sheaf of papers with words of many of the most familiar carols. We went to the house of a woman in her nineties, gracious though we had caught her in her robe, who invited us in to make sure each of us had a hug. She expressed surprise at each new face that entered the house, said, "Christopher Columbus!" and told us we should have waited until tomorrow when she would have had her hair done. She had decorated her house with a huge, four foot wide creche, tall bouquets of Christmas flowers, and bulbs and ribbons galore. Clearly she enjoyed our visit and we enjoyed her appreciation.

Someone had a list of people who were going to be expecting us and we made sure to reach every one. Those indoors seemed to be pleased at being recipients of this personal and friendly attention. One shut-in woman held her dog to the window, another house had their little boy in his pajamas demanding to hear Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer which we happily sang for him, delighted at his joy! Another man was using the snow blower in his driveway but stopped long enough to listen to a rendition of Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow! At another house, Limoncello was substituted for figgy pudding, an apparent inside joke. One woman laughed when she was invited to join us and said she would only come out to solo!

My younger friends were very solicitous of me since I had previously indicated I didn't think I should be out in the cold with my cough. Oddly, my cough was absent, I was warm, and was as happy as I might have been forty years ago doing the same thing! After we had visited eight or more houses we went back to the house of one family of carolers houses and had strawberry short cake, brownies, cream puffs with chocolate pudding and whipped cream and choices of cider, hot chocolate or egg nog. There were many more goodies to choose from, a fitting end to a revival evening of an almost extinct custom to which I was humbled and honored to have been invited. Some traditions are worth keeping alive!

GIFT CARDS

JQ Lounge had a blog on gift cards. Apparently a newscaster was fairly negative about them. I took issue with his assessment. I would far prefer being given a gift card than something I wouldn't have bought even had I the money. Too often in my life I have been asked what I would like. I remember wanting a blender, years ago, that I could take the bottom off, wash the blades easily, and even use a Ball jar as a container. I was given a blender that had none of the features I wanted and I was too poor to exchange it and buy what I wanted. I lived with that for many years and hated it all the while I had it until I could finally afford the one I wanted.

When I was a child it was so wonderful to get any gifts and stores had few choices within a category, unlike today where the choices are mind boggling. A whole toy department would have fit into any tiny store of today. There were not the commercials and ads that make even children so clear on the computer game they want out of the hundreds available. That is why I believe that a gift card IS a thoughtful gift, provided it is from a store the person can get to and would want to shop in. For people who like to eat out and can't afford some places, a gift card to a restaurant is good. For theater and concert goers, tickets they might not have felt they could afford is yet another pleasant gift. You probably wouldn't give your grandmother tickets to a concert of YOUR favorite rock star but you try to know her tastes well enough to figure out what she might like.

As my grandchildren grew up, before gift cards were as popular and available as they are today, I gave them money envelopes with cash inside. It was evident that they preferred to have cash to spend money on what they wanted rather than have someone try to guess what they might (or should) like. Shopping for gifts is what I do when I am sure I know what someone wants, can't buy for themselves, or hadn't allowed themselves to buy. Sometimes it is nice to receive something you didn't know existed and that someone thought of you and knew you would find the tool, or whatever, useful. Gift giving requires time, thoughtfulness, effort, and knowing what people need, want or can use. In today's world, many of us no longer have the energy and resources to do that for family members who are distant and whom they may see rarely, often not within the last year. Some don't need money but can use things not readily available in their area. Today, with online shopping, even that is no longer a problem. Almost anything can be found and ordered from all over the world.

Actually, my vote would be to do away with all Christmas presents (or Channukah) and just buy whatever throughout the year you see or find that someone you like might want and that is affordable for you.

ENDING A TRADITION

A few days ago I wrote about the tradition of a Christmas letter. I mentioned being ambivalent about giving it up. I am no longer ambivalent and have decided that some things need to be dropped when they no longer serve their original purpose. I suspect that there are very few people in my life who care or who do not know what I am doing during the year. The computer has changed all our lives, even though some don't recognize its importance and won't own one.

Trying to examine what a computer means to me is quite difficult because it has taken over so many functions in my life. I no longer need to buy a reference book. I gave away my outdated encyclopedia set many years ago. I don't believe I have reached for my Oxford Dictionary in so long a time that the dust film it collected is impressive. When I read a book, I don't have to try to figure out the meaning of an unknown word because it is so easy to hit a few keys and get a definition. Merriam-Webster is in a drop down menu below Google, IMDB (International Movie Data Base), Amazon, and a few other (to me) critical sites.

The last newspaper I had delivered by choice was seven years ago. The subscriptions to magazines has dropped down from an all-time high years ago of 18 to 2 today. Currently I am in process of paying bills online and avoiding the pile up of the paper bills mixed in with all the ads and catalogs. Perhaps one day soon, stores will stop sending out so many catalogs when they have our email addresses and send via that media instead.

Just as time alters our bodies, time leaves a mark on tradition. Second languages get lost. Food recipes are lost or just can't be made as they used to taste. Religions are often not continued as before. Traditions get diluted by marriages bringing disparate traditions together, thus diluting customs. Whatever happens, some things need to be changed....and I just changed one.

DO YOU KNOW YOUR NEIGHBORS?

Talking to a friend from a rural area, whose nearest neighbor is at least 600 feet away, it made me think of the several places I have lived over the years. As a child I knew all the neighbors within a one mile radius, at least. It was a safe world and as kids we never had to worry about visiting our neighbors. We played in their yards as well as our own, with or without friends who lived there.

Moving to the city is such a contrast. There you are lucky if you get to know any of your neighbors. In the Midwest, neighbors are apt to just walk into your house without knocking...just because the proximity makes people feel close in relationship as well. Well, they did forty years ago...I'm not sure that still happens.

It is said that people are unfriendly in the East. Non-intrusive does not translate to unfriendly. It is sad that it often takes a tragedy, an accident, or freaky and destructive weather to show how close a community feels for one another though they may not get together otherwise. A show like Extreme Makeover touched me deeply when a single mother with her four children were helped and a community came together to keep this woman working at teaching young children to swim, possibly saving many young lives in the process. The University of Utah started a program to help seniors called NHN (Neighbors Helping Neighbors). Many areas have programs called Neighbors Helping Neighbors that are not at all related to the Utah program. They are all over the country but the theme is the same, there is strength in numbers and we must help one another. This has nothing to do with religious belief, just humanness.

Are we as a country so urbanized and frightened of strangers that we have stopped reaching out? Though I have had Open House on Christmas Eve for years to which neighbors were invited, I have stopped doing this after 41 years because I just got too old and tired to put that much effort on top of the rest that goes into the Holiday season. However, neighbors are picking up the ball. Because, by chance, I was at another neighbor's house two summers ago, I met the neighbor on her other side (actually facing another street) whom I never would have met. Through her, I have met many of her friends and neighbors and we will go caroling in the area in a few days. It feels so much better to live in an area where you recognize people and can ask them how they are and know that they are pleased to know you and converse.

BAD WEATHER SUNDAYS

When you don't have to go out in the snow, sleet or rain, bad weather can be fun. Today is one of those days . A kind of cliff hanger football game with the Patriot's going for their 13th straight win of the year; an automobile accident involving two cars right in front of our house as a result of the slippery conditions; bringing one car's occupants into the house to keep them warm and calm them down was rewarding in a vicarious way; finding time to write a few Christmas cards and ready them for mailing; and deciding that I will no longer send Christmas letters after 41 years of doing so, made the day really special. A weekend guest, my daughter and a neighbor took care of the shoveling and snow moving. I decided there are, indeed, a few perks to getting old...not many, but a few. I, at least, even though I was prevented from going out, could cook a warm and filling breakfast for the shovelers when they finally got back into the house.

My daughter insisted on perfecting a pizzelle recipe so my guest and I had the opportunity to gobble up all her several test batches. It made her striving for perfection great for us, though we thought each batch was delicious!

My guest helped me with some maintenance on my computers though I thought they had been working pretty well. I had the time and nudging to get to some things taken care of which I would have liked to have done a long time ago but just never got to do by myself. It is like a Murphy's Law that a techie can see more things than you ever knew were there.

My squirreling habits also work in favor of a day like this one. There is always too much in this house but, on days when you can't really go out safely, having a variable stock is quite reassuring. As long as we have power, we can eat for weeks.