Chris Matthews went on air, reading an apology to Hillary Clinton. He reminded me of any child who has been scolded by his mother and forced to apologize. It carried that same tone of insincerity and self-justification. He spoke of, 'my heart speaks the truth' (unbiased, no doubt) 'because I love politics'. His heart may speak HIS truth but not THE truth. If he feels that was a sufficient apology to erase the vitriolic claim that Hillary became a Senator, not on her own political ability, but because people felt sorry for her because her husband 'messed around', he is mistaken. He has only managed to demean himself for having put that notion out in the first place. It is an analysis I have not heard from other entertainer/journalists.
Yet other negative nit-picking goes on. There are the blatant Hillary haters. For the persn who had to act tough, then was too tough so she showed her feelings, then we have the cries of the small men or jealous women. There are the real sick individuals who cannot think beyond the next word that comes out of their fantasy-filled minds. Is there anyone out there who can criticize Chelsea as a good parenting job done by two people working together? Apparently there are some who want to try to float stories with no evidence but believed by those who want so badly to believe the worst, even if there is no evidence for it. It makes me feel like Diogenes, He used to stroll about in full daylight with a lamp; when asked what he was doing, he would answer, "I am just looking for an honest man." You can read more on this interesting man here.
Like, Diogenes, I will continue my search though I have finally reached the conclusion I will not find him/her in the media.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
SOMETIMES A CIGAR IS JUST A CIGAR
While the pundits are trying to analyze every movement, sigh, tear, loss of patience, word, look, clothing, hairdos, and anything else they might spot, it might serve them well to remember that even Freud, famous for analyzing all sorts of things and drawing sexual conclusions, said (perhaps with reference to his own penchant for smoking cigars), "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." It means that sometimes you don't have to search deeply for hidden or unconscious meanings, and you should just take things at face value.
However, face value doesn't sell ads on TV. Since adversarial politics make it more interesting for the endless hours TV journalist/entertainers must probe and comment on what they are dissecting about some insignificant comment, or any other benign sign, they must manufacturer something to debate amongst themselves since the politicians failed their task of playing their 'adversarial' positions by the rules of current journalism. For some reason the producers think it makes for better show to pair opposing views. Hannity and Coombes were supposed to represent this, for a fair and balanced Fox News. It failed because they paired a tiger with a mouse, hardly fair and balanced.
It would seem that MSNBC has a somewhat different view of things. They let their powerhouses work alone. Not only does Keith Olbermann carry his own show but actually analyzes what is going in in the country. Something that he is doing must be reaching a lot of people favorably because his open letters to Bush are a real hit on YouTube. He seems to be the only one with views which he dares to express while others pander to their own Gods and biases.
However, face value doesn't sell ads on TV. Since adversarial politics make it more interesting for the endless hours TV journalist/entertainers must probe and comment on what they are dissecting about some insignificant comment, or any other benign sign, they must manufacturer something to debate amongst themselves since the politicians failed their task of playing their 'adversarial' positions by the rules of current journalism. For some reason the producers think it makes for better show to pair opposing views. Hannity and Coombes were supposed to represent this, for a fair and balanced Fox News. It failed because they paired a tiger with a mouse, hardly fair and balanced.
It would seem that MSNBC has a somewhat different view of things. They let their powerhouses work alone. Not only does Keith Olbermann carry his own show but actually analyzes what is going in in the country. Something that he is doing must be reaching a lot of people favorably because his open letters to Bush are a real hit on YouTube. He seems to be the only one with views which he dares to express while others pander to their own Gods and biases.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
SUGGESTING, NOT DIRECTING
For years, as a psychotherapist, I have tried to pay attention to the words of my patients and, even more importantly, to my own. What I think I am saying is often not heard as I intend. What a person hears is often effected by whatever association is triggered (pleasant or unpleasant memories), the degree of anxiety or fear in the listener at the time (in other words, the degree to which the message presents a threat to the listener), and whether the message is heard clearly or obfuscated by the listener's total concentration on their own intended response, to name a few factors.
If you want to be heard and understood, the message has to be non-threatening (make the toxic non-toxic) and make statements that cannot be disqualified. Do not make it personal nor profane because the focus of the message will shift. For example, no one can know how I feel, nor tell me how I should feel. It matters greatly if I tell someone. "You are a scary, threatening person"The person might then say, I am not a scary or threatening person, that is your problem.", or, "I am not intending to threaten you and would not wish you to be afraid."
"You are....." is a matter of perception or misperception. "I fear..." is a fact and cannot be disqualified. What that feeling is based on can then be discussed. If I feel I have been wronged and say, "I am angry" I need to be able to tell the person what my anger is based on. As the conversation proceeds, I may then find out that I have been misinformed and based my anger on false gossip or erroneous 'facts', in which case my anger will likely dissipate. It is always annoying to me when TV pundits attribute feelings and motivation to political candidates, as William Kristol did when he stated, forcefully, that Senator Clinton was faking the tears in New Hampshire. Pundits aren't the only ones who are guilty of this. In years of treating marriages and couples, I find that people often insist that they know exactly what the other person meant even as the other is negating the interpretation. People who do this are among the very large group who also rewrite history, especially family history and the intolerable parts of their own past..
There is a delightful book by an Australian author, Cordelia Fine, PhD, social psychologist. Her book is: a mind of its own: How Your Brain Distorts and Deceives. Her chapters on brains include: vain, emotional, immoral, deluded, pigheaded, secretive, weak-willed, bigoted, and vulnerable. Considering how one's mind plays its own tricks to preserve ego, sanity, etc, it is a wonder any of us can learn to communicate effectively.
If you want to be heard, don't say, "You should....". Most people do not like to be told what they should do as though there is not a choice for them and only a single right or wrong. A "Have you ever considered this.....?" seems to be far more effective. Of course there are many variations to anything that can be said. A useless comment is: "Why didn't you......?" This is ineffective because it shifts the focus from 'now' to the past which, unfortunately cannot be relived.
You can tell a child over whom you have control, or an adult over whom you have some sort of control, as a boss might have in threatening unemployment if not complied with, but any coercion may also be met with passive-aggressive resistance. Force a child to drink their milk when they refuse it and they can out-wait you and eventually pour it down the sink. I soon learned it was faster and safer to flush it down the toilet where I would less likely be caught again because the white didn't show in the toilet as it did in the soapstone sink! Children have more time than adults to engage in power struggles, value their future less, and are willing to risk more than most adults. On the job, adults show their power struggle with the boss by pretending to work while they shop on the computer, write email, etc. and avoid being caught.
If you want to be heard and understood, the message has to be non-threatening (make the toxic non-toxic) and make statements that cannot be disqualified. Do not make it personal nor profane because the focus of the message will shift. For example, no one can know how I feel, nor tell me how I should feel. It matters greatly if I tell someone. "You are a scary, threatening person"The person might then say, I am not a scary or threatening person, that is your problem.", or, "I am not intending to threaten you and would not wish you to be afraid."
"You are....." is a matter of perception or misperception. "I fear..." is a fact and cannot be disqualified. What that feeling is based on can then be discussed. If I feel I have been wronged and say, "I am angry" I need to be able to tell the person what my anger is based on. As the conversation proceeds, I may then find out that I have been misinformed and based my anger on false gossip or erroneous 'facts', in which case my anger will likely dissipate. It is always annoying to me when TV pundits attribute feelings and motivation to political candidates, as William Kristol did when he stated, forcefully, that Senator Clinton was faking the tears in New Hampshire. Pundits aren't the only ones who are guilty of this. In years of treating marriages and couples, I find that people often insist that they know exactly what the other person meant even as the other is negating the interpretation. People who do this are among the very large group who also rewrite history, especially family history and the intolerable parts of their own past..
There is a delightful book by an Australian author, Cordelia Fine, PhD, social psychologist. Her book is: a mind of its own: How Your Brain Distorts and Deceives. Her chapters on brains include: vain, emotional, immoral, deluded, pigheaded, secretive, weak-willed, bigoted, and vulnerable. Considering how one's mind plays its own tricks to preserve ego, sanity, etc, it is a wonder any of us can learn to communicate effectively.
If you want to be heard, don't say, "You should....". Most people do not like to be told what they should do as though there is not a choice for them and only a single right or wrong. A "Have you ever considered this.....?" seems to be far more effective. Of course there are many variations to anything that can be said. A useless comment is: "Why didn't you......?" This is ineffective because it shifts the focus from 'now' to the past which, unfortunately cannot be relived.
You can tell a child over whom you have control, or an adult over whom you have some sort of control, as a boss might have in threatening unemployment if not complied with, but any coercion may also be met with passive-aggressive resistance. Force a child to drink their milk when they refuse it and they can out-wait you and eventually pour it down the sink. I soon learned it was faster and safer to flush it down the toilet where I would less likely be caught again because the white didn't show in the toilet as it did in the soapstone sink! Children have more time than adults to engage in power struggles, value their future less, and are willing to risk more than most adults. On the job, adults show their power struggle with the boss by pretending to work while they shop on the computer, write email, etc. and avoid being caught.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
DEMOCRATIC DEBATE IN LAS VEGAS
Apparently Chris Matthews is incapable of hearing criticism, only giving it. Last night he made it clear that he will not quit trying to stir the candidates up, provoking adversarial postures, because it is more 'interesting'. He offered his usual criticism of Senator Clinton, describing her behavior as though she had already won the nomination. His crystal ball has become very hazy, possibly because he has kept it up one of his orifices too long.
Last night, the candidates were able to discuss their ideas and positions. I thought that is what they are supposed to do. There were no slams or cuts. However, the media thinks they are the producers of this show and it doesn't meet with the approval of the self-serving few. If Chris Matthews cared as much about his country as the three candidates do, his image might be elevated back to the respect he has currently lost.
Last night, the candidates were able to discuss their ideas and positions. I thought that is what they are supposed to do. There were no slams or cuts. However, the media thinks they are the producers of this show and it doesn't meet with the approval of the self-serving few. If Chris Matthews cared as much about his country as the three candidates do, his image might be elevated back to the respect he has currently lost.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
MESSAGES TO MY BLOG
Not many people leave messages on my blog. A couple of days ago I was pleasantly surprised to see that someone had and hurried to read it. However, my anticipation gave way quickly to total surprise when it turned out to be in Serbian. The introduction, four words in English, suggested it was not intended to laud me or my blog.
Google is marvelous. There was a PS to the blog that, translated through Google, told me in Serbian, what they are doing to my mother. Had she not died more than 20 years ago, she might have been quite surprised to learn of it. Serbia must be getting kids onto computers pretty early because the level of the four English words in the header, and the three Serbian words in the post script, suggest the mental age at about 10.
At first I was impressed that my blog is being read from so far away, then realized the writer could be within the US, since I have no way of tracing the writer. It also taught me that the little trash can beside the message deletes it. I am never to know the meaning contained in that noble message in its entirety, forever limited to having understood only the colorful postscript.
Google is marvelous. There was a PS to the blog that, translated through Google, told me in Serbian, what they are doing to my mother. Had she not died more than 20 years ago, she might have been quite surprised to learn of it. Serbia must be getting kids onto computers pretty early because the level of the four English words in the header, and the three Serbian words in the post script, suggest the mental age at about 10.
At first I was impressed that my blog is being read from so far away, then realized the writer could be within the US, since I have no way of tracing the writer. It also taught me that the little trash can beside the message deletes it. I am never to know the meaning contained in that noble message in its entirety, forever limited to having understood only the colorful postscript.
Monday, January 14, 2008
15 HOURS OF DIFFERENCE
Yesterday was a lovely warm day during which lots of snow melted and some got chopped away preparatory to weather reports actually being accurate (which they seem to be these days, more often than not). We were to expect a 8" to 12" of snow during the night. In the morning, schools had been canceled and once again the 'weathercasters' didn't disappoint.
Today, approximately 15 hours after the above picture, things in Nature were looking decidedly different.
There are not too many things lovelier to watch (from the warmth inside the house) than fresh, clean white snow. However, in this semi-urban area, the whiteness is gone after a few blinks of the eye. A few snowplows, a bit of traffic, a few dogs being walked, it doesn't take much to turn the landscape into something that no longer resembles a postcard. It took several hours to shovel the parking area and walks and to clean off the cars.During the shoveling, the power went off. Things weren't as beautiful to look at after the shoveling, the now dirty snow piles, and a house getting colder and colder while trying to decide what to do without electricity. It doesn't take long to realize that everything you had planned for the day requires an electrical appliance, light, or a computer. Since there is still an upright piano in the house, fairly in tune, that got its first workout in a long time.
Before I had sunk to the gutter of total power-withdrawal symptoms, panic, and all....the power company managed to return normalcy back to my life, well, at least that which passes for normalcy in MY life.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
THE BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS
After a frustrating day, I had a no-choice choice. Ambivalent about staying to watch the play-off game between the Patriots and the Jaguars, and having tickets to the Boston Symphony Orchestra, Saturday night, Series A (not knowing that the Patriots would be in play-offs much earlier) it became a Symphony night. A superbly proficient Norwegian pianist ( Leif Ove Andsnes) played Rachmaninoff's 2nd Piano Concerto No.2 in C minor. It was as magnificent a piece as I have remembered from the 40's movies from which the song Full Moon and Empty Arms was stolen.
The program was conducted by the Spanish conductor, Rafael Frubeck de Burgos and, for the first time I saw people being seated in Boston Symphony Hall during the performance of a piece, after the usher forced half an aisle of people to get up to let two people through to be seated while the orchestra was playing; and for the first time I saw a gentleman get up, move several people in a row to get out during the middle of a piece and return to do the same thing before the piece was finished. Symphony has been lowering standards but I have not seen them fall so low. That people clapped after a movement was less startling, though nevertheless jarring.
Dashing out at intermission to find out the game scores, Sid, chief of staff , told us the score was 7-0, Patriots, first Quarter. He wouldn't open the door to let us out as the guest artist graciously offered to play a solo, whose title I didn't get. It, too, was a musical delicacy. By the end of intermission the score was 14-7, Patriots in the second Quarter.
The second concert half was devoted totally (50 minutes) to Richard Strauss's An Alpine Symphony. I regretted not having thought to bring my Itouch (silent without earphones) to keep up with the scores (assuming Symphony Hall has Wi-fi) but I will be wiser should a similar situation arise in the future. The car radio provided the rest of the 3rd Quarter, in brief moments without too much static to understand what was being said We reached home in time to watch the game ending after which we saw the 5th Quarter wrap up, enjoying a snack.
The program was conducted by the Spanish conductor, Rafael Frubeck de Burgos and, for the first time I saw people being seated in Boston Symphony Hall during the performance of a piece, after the usher forced half an aisle of people to get up to let two people through to be seated while the orchestra was playing; and for the first time I saw a gentleman get up, move several people in a row to get out during the middle of a piece and return to do the same thing before the piece was finished. Symphony has been lowering standards but I have not seen them fall so low. That people clapped after a movement was less startling, though nevertheless jarring.
Dashing out at intermission to find out the game scores, Sid, chief of staff , told us the score was 7-0, Patriots, first Quarter. He wouldn't open the door to let us out as the guest artist graciously offered to play a solo, whose title I didn't get. It, too, was a musical delicacy. By the end of intermission the score was 14-7, Patriots in the second Quarter.
The second concert half was devoted totally (50 minutes) to Richard Strauss's An Alpine Symphony. I regretted not having thought to bring my Itouch (silent without earphones) to keep up with the scores (assuming Symphony Hall has Wi-fi) but I will be wiser should a similar situation arise in the future. The car radio provided the rest of the 3rd Quarter, in brief moments without too much static to understand what was being said We reached home in time to watch the game ending after which we saw the 5th Quarter wrap up, enjoying a snack.
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