THE DASH

I'm going to be cremated when I die. I will not have a tombstone with a dash between two dates carved into it. As I thought about that dash after reading someone's eulogy about the dash, I wondered how well a use the time that dash represents. The dash alone just says you lived and breathed throughout that period. I wonder how people define good use of it. Is it on what one leaves behind? I didn't build buildings, but I built relationships, lots of them. Is it on what one leaves for the next generation? I will probably have little money or real property left when I go. The best I can hope for is not to be a burden on anyone else during my lifetime. Is it character and disposition? I wasn't the funniest person around, but I have made lots of people laugh. I have never committed a felony though I might have broken some traffic laws. Was I special? I won't be remembered for singular artistic, musical, or other creative talents but I created lots of ways to reach people in therapy, or got them to hear one another and think outside the box they were trapped in. I have helped people stay together or part, which ever they concluded was the direction they chose. Was I a great caretaker? I am not the best anything, cook, housekeeper, organizer, but my family seemed to thrive despite my mediocre efforts in these areas. I took care of the elders in my family and my husband's as best as I was able while juggling my own home, children and jobs. They are gone and I don't think they care what I did to or for them. Only I know and can feel good about what I did. I don't ask for a lot more than to live as much of my life without regrets as possible.

If there were a St. Peter,the greeter, at the Pearly gate , who might ask me how I spent my dash, how would I answer? "Well, St. Peter, my dash was one fast run through life. I lived every minute of it as close as assuring my survival allowed. I succeeded in finding more happiness than sadness. I tamed stress, though it took me much of my life to get the hang of it. When painful stuff landed in my life, I did the best I could to manage it and always believed it possible only with the great deal of luck I always seemed to have . I tried not to dump my problems onto others but I often tripped and spilled some onto my friends, the real ones who cared to listen."

"Even though I didn't have too much to complain about, I never had a problem letting everyone around me know just how I felt, whether they wanted to hear it or not! There used to be something or someone I thought needed work or improvement...and let them know it. I learned to be critical of myself and others in a family that expected everyone to do well and not need praise for that, just criticism when things were not up to the bar set by the parents. I was pretty grown up when I learned that no one has to be perfect, perfection is invisible to most."

During that 'dash' I learned that a feeling of belonging exists within. Wherever I go, I can choose to share myself or not. I am so grateful that I was given a view of life as a half-full glass, not a half-empty one. People who have touched my life, sometimes only briefly, have filled it. I grieve for people who are abrasive, push people away, and live a lonely life. I truly believe that one of the greatest lessons I learned was that you can live only in your own skin. It taught me I can try to control my own life but I have no control over any other. Life is very good while you have it.

IW (INTERNET WITHDRAWAL)

The Internet is rife with anecdotes, pictures, and stories for all seniors to relive their past memories of products, ads, penny candies, radio programs, games, songs, and all the activities we participated in before the computer, Internet, and email came to be in my home. I used to be busy; now I am busier. I always hated writing letters (even typed) and hung back on phone use because of the high cost of long distance telephoning.

Today I so rarely feel out of touch with my world. I can email my children and all the other people with whom I want to be in touch, in a non-intrusive way. They can read the email at their leisure. They don't have to answer until they have time and choose to do so.

When I want to buy something, I do not have to get dressed in winter clothes and boots. In fact, I don't have to be dressed at all! I simply check the best buy after finding a few sites on everyone's great administrative assistant, Google, and in a few more clicks, type in my credit card info, and my product is on its way...no cold weather to face, no gasoline used, no urge to buy something that is eye-catching but useless, no parking meter to feed, no need to walk for yards and yards to a parking spot as far as possible away from the Mall. In a few days, whatever was ordered will be delivered to the warmth of my home. I will open it as I would a Christmas present even though I know what is in the box. Somehow it is always a surprise and more like a gift than a purchase since no money changes hands at that moment.

When I don't understand exactly what my doctor has prescribed, I look it up. When friends tell me of their ills and medical problems, I look them up. When I am reading and don't know a word, I look it up. Looking for a movie; I look it up, see where it is playing, the times, and a brief description to indicate whether I might like it or not. I subscribe to a Word A Day, to the Urban Dictionary, tech sites, a couple of forums, and visit places and museums all over the world.

I get news locally and from every continent. I watch YouTube and get more entertainment than people a generation or two ago saw in their entire lifetime. Weather prediction is always a few clicks away. My computer doesn't require me to cook meals, go on errands, participate in conversation, physical caresses, ego support, or be awake before I am ready to be. Nor do I go to bed on someone else's schedule. I don't have to pick up after it nor listen to its problems. It never scolds me. The worst that it can do is frustrate me by not doing what I cannot properly instruct it to do and it costs money. It never calls me names or insults me. If I am good to myself and back up data, even if it gets sick, I don't lose anything that money and time won't cure.

Since I get terribly anxious about losing my comforts and not being able to do with out backups (I even back up appliances), I can't be without spare keys, have a single camera (good grief I may run out of battery with only one). I have a TV in any room in which I might be spending time and have four working computers. Unless there is a mammoth disaster, one of them should work to get me on the Internet or the world will be subjected to the ghastly sounds and sight of an old lady screaming out the suffering of Internet withdrawal.

PROCRASTINATION

I've often wondered about the word 'procrastination' I wondered if there is an 'anti-crastination'. After all, if you are 'pro' something, you should be able to be 'anti' the same thing. The dictionary lists suggestions for words when it can't find the one it believes you don't know how to spell. The first suggestion it gave, since there doesn't seem to be a singular 'crastination', was constipation. I thought that was very rational of Merriam-Webster. The fourth suggestion boggled me a bit...it was Christianization. Even though I realized that it was a computer making this selection, it set me to thinking through what happens to people who rely on religion to solve everything. I am impressed that the computer picked Christianization and actually brought up a good point.

While not all religious people believe that God will take care of everything for them with no effort on their part, there are too many, in my opinion, who take no responsibility for their own actions and just turn over decisions and outcomes to 'God's Will'. Nowhere was this more evident than in Greece 30 or more years ago while the country was predominantly Greek Orthodox with relatively few other religions standing out Only people around the major cities and academic institutions had computers, and TV was primarily featuring old American sit-coms. The Junta was running the country with an iron hand. A sister college in the US collected monies and gave them to Anatolia College in Greece, to help the farmers by buying them farm equipment. They were given tractors and other major mechanical tools for preparing the ground, tilling, planting, and harvesting. A few years later, when visited by their benefactors, they saw was the machinery rusting and unused. Inquiries revealed that there had been no maintenance to speak of, no oiling, or repairs. When asked why equipment was not working, the response was it is in God's hands, ( reported by a professor friend of mine in personal communication)

You are not born a procrastinator. It is a way of life determined by many factors. Deadlines, growing children, and pay checks to keep the household working were elements to prohibit my being a procrastinator some years ago. Some behavioral techniques are also helpful. I say to myself, "If you write this difficult letter, you can then reward yourself by playing a song on the piano." Or, "Get this noxious task over and you can spend some time reading the funny stuff in your email." I can hear my father's voice, clearly in my head, though I have not heard him in life for over 20 years, saying, "Never leave until tomorrow what you can get done today!" My priorities are clearly different than his were and there are many more distractions in my world than there were in his. Maybe I'll finish this tomorrow............

YET ANOTHER USELESS SAYING

'I shouldn't have to tell you.' This is a totally useless statement as is its partner, 'I told you that before.'. Does it serve any purpose other than to express disappointment, frustration, anger? Why should it be uttered in the first place? Does one assume that a person asking a question just likes to frustrate you or hear the sound of your voice? Might they, in fact, have heard it before and forgotten it? And even if a person SHOULD, does that mean they are hiding what they know?

Trying to imagine a scene in which this might be said, if someone has just told a person some information, speedily, like some people run off telephone numbers when you least expect them, don't have a pencil and paper, and no longer remember more than 8 digits run off verbally with poor diction and great speed. Do newscasters ever announce early, enough for a person to get pencil and paper, that they are about to rattle off a phone number or URL? That has been rare in my experience.

What about a mentor who has been trying to help the learner understand something previously elusive to them? Is it the failing of the learner or mentor, or both, when an explanation fails to be remembered? Where does that 'should' come from? Does it imply , "You should remember everything I tell you and everything I utter." Yet that is inferred, is it not? Is it not pretty well researched that someone being scolded learns or retains less than the student who feels good and is emotionally comfortable himself.

As I have written before, we all say useless things. However, an awareness of some of the most frequently used ones may help us say what we really mean more clearly and cause less obfuscation in our attempts to state things as we wish them to be understood.

I chuckle as I think what might happen in court if an Officer has told the arrested, "You've seen enough cop stories on TV. I shouldn't have to read you your Miranda rights." Or if a parent says to a 2 year old standing on the edge of a cliff, "I shouldn't have to tell you again, if you fall you will be killed." While those may be ludicrous, extreme examples they are not too far off from what the same message may carry to many adults who are the recipients.
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A TOUCHING STORY FROM BBC

I prefer to write for myself but this story is so touching I thought others who don't read the BBC might find it is uplifting as I did.

Maid finds boss is missing father

Tran Thi Kham did not know about her father till her wedding day

A Vietnamese woman who traveled to Taiwan to find the father she had never met, ended up working for him without knowing it.

Tran Thi Kham, 40, did not discover the truth until after leaving her employer.

Their reunion only came about because she mistakenly left some keepsakes at his home, which he had given to her mother more than 40 years before.

Tsai Han-chao, 77, said he could not help crying when he found out he had a daughter he never knew about.

"Life's ups and downs are just like television drama. How could I have ever dreamed that she is my daughter? I couldn't stop crying when we were finally united," he told Taiwan's TVBS cable news channel.

This is incredible and really touching to see the father and daughter get together Ku Ker-ya, Taiwanese policeman

Ms Tran had traveled to Taiwan a few years earlier to search for her father.

Her only clues were a gold ring and a photograph of him as a young man.

He had given the mementoes to a Vietnamese woman he had fallen in love with in Hong Kong in 1967. She had returned to her home country to care for her mother and he later returned to Taiwan.

The woman gave birth to Tran Thi Kham, but died two years later. The child was brought up by her aunt - whom she thought was her mother until the day of her wedding, at age 21.

On that day, her aunt revealed the true story and passed on the ring and the photo.

Emotional reunion

Much later, after bringing up her own children, Ms Tran decided to search out her father in Taiwan.

She took a job with a man in the capital, Taipei, caring for his ailing wife.

When the wife died, seven months later, Ms Tran moved on to other employment on the Taiwanese island of Kinmen.

But she realised she had left the prized possessions behind and enlisted the help of Kinmen police.

They contacted Mr Tsai and asked him to search for her things. Police described him as "stunned" to come across the keepsakes he had given his lover so long before.

He flew immediately to Kinmen, where his daughter was newly employed, for an emotional reunion.

"This is incredible and really touching to see the father and daughter get together after all these years," said Kinmen policeman, Ku Ker-ya.