As if seeing myself in the mirror is not shocking enough to show my aging, I am forced to show it to my grandchildren, four or five of whom are older than I was when I was married and already a mother. I try to keep this fact in mind so that I do not repel them by reacting to them as I think their immature behavior sometimes warrants. At other times I am amazed at how much more they know than their parents did at their ages and just how much minds have matured about life and people.
Having spent the past few days with three of the boys, 17, 16 and 14, I've learned much about Dungeons and Dragons, what a DS is and does, the Internet site Cartoon Dump, how Mystery Science Theater 3000 can take the most archaic and boring films...acting at its worst...and turn them into pure amusement. I've learned they can be interrupted from their games and sustain a conversation of several sentences, responding to my attempt to learn a bit about who they are becoming, before asking if they can return to their game! I've learned that three days with each other is enough for them to have seen everything in the house of interest to them (actually five minutes would have sufficed, and for me to begin to long for my uninterrupted periods of quiet. Most of the time, if it isn't edible or plug into an electrical outlet to recharge the battery, they lose interest.
If I were a secretive or private person, I would never need worry because, age appropriately, they are disinterested in my life except to ask when and what they will be served to eat or when we are planning to go to a Mall. I also know they will probably grow out of this stage one of these days and can only hope that I will be more kindly remembered than most of the boring old people I have known; they who thought kids cared about their life lessons and what it was like when they were kids. One was kind enough to recreate what he was able to do until he was six and that is to wake me up (5:40 AM in this instance) before everyone else was up. Our conversation was long and primarily about relating to people of all sorts and places in one's life. We no longer talked about Thomas the Tank Engine or dinosaurs but how to communicate with people and maintain their attention and connection to the conversation. He understood the logic of never making someone anxious and defensive because they then stop listening. We talked about how to make the toxic, non-toxic. We talked about making things safe for people to allow them to break through their resistance to share of themselves. We talked for two and a half hours.
In all accuracy for the three of them, I could not have asked for more willing helpers if I prevailed on them to do something, (which I am somewhat loathe to do for reasons unknown even to me). The three are generous with bear hugs (they know I no longer have a husband around to give them to me). They are polite and carried their dishes and utensils to the sink after inhaling their food and asking to be excused from the table. They would have put them in the dishwasher but I urge them not to do that, knowing it will just take more time for me to re-stack it.
I've know that I have learned far more from them than they will learn from me...and that is as it should be!
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