THINGS TO TRY IF YOU ARE LONELY

Some recent research suggests that loneliness makes people cold. The University of Toronto team found people feeling excluded said a room was colder than those feeling included. Those excluded, choose warmer, comfort food than cooler drinks. For every congenial character who can warm a room, there’s another who can bring a draft from the north, a whiff of dead winter. And even if the thermometer doesn’t register the difference, people do: social iciness feels so cold to those on the receiving end that they will crave a hot drink, a new study has found. (9-15-08 NY Times article by Benedict Carey)

Many are lonely because they isolate themselves from people rather than build bridges. Some are lonely because they have a clinical (chemical) depression. This leaves some with an empty feeling that no amount of reassurance of love from outside can fill. Others are lonely because they take no action to do the things they need to do to change the condition. Some find relief in having pets (unconditional love); others from the tactile interchange with their pets (I prefer skin to hair).

Wikipedia: "Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. Those who may find it difficult or even impossible to have any form of meaningful human contact may not see themselves as lonely people. Lonely people often experience a subjective sense of inner emptiness or hollowness, with feelings of separation or isolation from Yiayia's rules for combating loneliness First establish the source.

^{-It is likely physical if it negatively affects your 3 appetites: sleep, digestive and libido, in which case it suggests you see a psychopharmacologist (a psychiatrist who specializes in medications for depression and other brain, chemical imbalances) or kick in your endorphins with stress exercise to reach (what most would call 'jogger's high'). One additional sign of clinical depression may be the loss of movement in one's face. Animation disappears.}

^{-If it is a loss of companionship and touch, get connected. Here are some suggestions. You can join groups, take classes, use the computer and Internet to find forums with people who share your interest in whatever, if you are a pet person...get a pet, visit people in nursing homes, volunteer wherever you are in touch with people.}

^{-Try to stay as stress-free as possible. Do not read books or go to movies that leave you tense in body or emotions. Try not to make the world problems your own. Establish boundaries for yourself as to where your responsibilities begin and end. Follow the Serenity prayer and avoid trying to change things beyond your power, change the things you can, and hope for wisdom to differentiate the two. Do not allow yourself to take on other people's problems or responsibilities. Some people meditate; others get massages. It is whatever you can afford and works for you.}

^{-Immerse yourself in humor. (If you cannot laugh, you are probably clinically depressed) There is much humor to be had on TV, reading, jokes on email and the Internet, movies and, especially, between friends who are upbeat. Laughing also kicks in endorphins, as does sexual climax.}

^{-Stay warm either by turning the thermostat up or by wearing warm clothing and staying physically active. I find, if the back of my neck and feet are warm , I feel warm all over. Drinking warm fluids helps; bouillon, tea, coffee, even hot water helps. Buy fresh ginger and take a piece the size of a quarter, chop it up after peeling, and boil it to make a tea. (Mixed with Bancha twig tea it makes a lovely, fragrant drink ).}

^{-For those who can accept religion on faith , it witnessed people helped by to believing that, if life is impossibly cruel to them on earth in this one, the next will be better. Though I am not among this group, I have seen its helpfulness to others so have included it here.}

^{-Find interests and hobbies. Everyone can develop those regardless of talent and finances.}

Lest one should think I have abandoned watching the political news in favor of being real and human for a minute, all must read Frank Rich's article in the Times on Sunday. He has titled it 'McCain's suspension bridge to nowhere.' Well worth the read.