AN EVENING FOR TWO WIDOWERS AND A WIDOW

Two widowers and a widow, connected to each other by mutual friendship with a friend who had died a few months ago. We had talked about getting together for a drink as each of us had individually had with her. We talked about our friend who had been there, in her own way, for all of us as we tried to be for her.

We three were born roughly in the same era, got together tonight, not sure where the evening would take us. Several interesting observations occurred. One is that 'old' acquaintances can become 'new' friends. After a drink and lots of chatting, (not too far akin from the way dogs get acquainted but in the human version, verbally) it was time to eat, so out to a restaurant we went.

The conversation rolled on. First it was chit chat with a few laughs thrown in when something reminded one of us of a joke. It is amazing how less guarded people are when there is nothing but friendship to be handled. We reminisced about our individual lives and families, our professional training, how we liked our jobs, and what we want from life now that our spouses no longer share it with us. Translating that last sentence, we reminisced but shared the pains as well as the joys in our individual lives and families, discussed our professional training to confirm, that we once had an identity as a professional, looked back at when we felt valued and contributed, not just used and tolerated, and lastly, what we want out of life is to just go on living longer in health and with a working mind, not a burden to our loved ones.

Once you have reached the top, stayed there as long as you were able, the only direction is down. You can hurry on down, skid, and land in a useless heap at the bottom or you can go down slowly, planning the rest of your different life as you reach for the level ground. We who are back on that level ground have no need for one-upsmanship, no need for exaggeration or impressing others like us. We shared that out goal for whatever life is left us, is to laugh as much as possible.

In contradiction to current myths, most seniors who are financially independent do not wish to draw another into intimacy of relationship. They like their own home and space where their happiest memories live on with them, and, I suspect believe, 'friends are a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there.' I look forward to more enjoyable evenings with my friends.

Noted was the degree of resignation to our age and how fortunate we three are to not be too limited by age yet. We were/are an engineer with an MBA, a manufacturer's rep and a psychotherapist. It is fascinating to follow how differently we see and deal with our worlds. We complemented and complimented each other and told bawdy jokes. We laughed and made ourselves feel good.