THE IMPORTANCE OF EXPLAINING

Today I listened to radio on which a father, who was a professor of something or other, was saying how he always explained any decision he handed down to his young children. It surprised me because I raised my own children with that philosophy...they may not agree but they would hear why I made my decision. Often it was, "You haven't shown me you can handle that responsibility." I tried to then let them know what behaviors and actions would be necessary to show me they were ready. It seemed to have worked because my children grew up to be responsible adults.

Have you ever noticed in most of the romance novels, most of the problems occur because someone doesn't explain why they did or said whatever and horrendous misunderstandings ensued. Of course, there is also a situation in which some people explain inaccurately, manipulate the explanation to suit their own needs (like the Republicans seem to be doing a great deal these days.) I wonder what these people do with their children. My fear is that discipline must be like it is in old Greek families who believed that children should be seen and not heard until they were 18, at which point they should automatically turn into wise and knowledgeable adults...even though it never works that way.

Another reason some parents don't explain things to their children is that they do not know that the reason they are saying , "No, you can't borrow the car tonight (even though you have your license and have no behavior to be ashamed or uncomfortably about in the past) because my worrying would be too uncomfortable for me to bear until you come home.

The GW Bush Administration treated us like small children because we were rarely shown reality or given explanations about what the government was doing. The few times an attempt was made to inform the public about what was going on it sounded like an aged nun trying to explain the sexual facts of life to an adolescent girl with raging hormones.

Remember, if you have difficulty explaining what you meant by what you just said, you probably shouldn't have said it. Explaining your decisions is a wonderful exercise in separating your subjective views form you objectivity. An example of that sort of failure is the son who moved his aged mother out of her beloved apartment and neighborhood in New York City to his posh house in a wealthy Connecticut community where he felt she was ungrateful because she complained she was lonely and had no friends. He, on the other hand, never listened to what she was lonely about and grieving having had to give up, and thought she should have been grateful for his care. Not once had he heard her needs or asked her what she wanted. She was the last example, that of someone who tried to explain but to someone who wasn't going to hear her explanation...those are the worst kind!