NARCISSISTIC INJURY WHEN NARCISSISM IS NOT A DIAGNOSABLE PROBLEM

 narcissism also narcism n. Excessive love or admiration of oneself.  Usually it refers to a psychological diagnosis of personality disorder.  I wish to discuss it in very practical terms in everyone's life in which it is not a disorder.  We speak of someone suffers after being rejected  as having received a 'narcissistic' injury.  In that context we are referring to that part of each of us that is invested in maintaining our self-esteem.and positive view of ourselves.

Given an awareness that all of us have a narcissism threshold, not unlike a pain threshold, if one wants to get a point across to someone, the sense of personal attack (or narcissistic assault, if you will) must not breach the threshold.  Once breached, a person goes into defense mode and stops listening...too engrossed in preparing a defense against the attack.  Managers and bosses often are the worst offenders.  Given their sense of power in their position, they often attack, surprised that the recipient becomes nonplussed:

tr.v. non·plussed also non·plused, non·plus·sing also non·plus·ing, non·plus·ses also non·plus·es To put at a loss as to what to think, say, or do; bewilder.

n. A state of perplexity, confusion, or bewilderment.

Note the many adjectives in this definition :  nonplussedadjective taken aback, stunned, confused, embarrassed, puzzled, astonished, stumped, dismayed, baffled, bewildered, astounded, confounded, perplexed, disconcerted, mystified, fazed, dumbfounded, discomfited, flummoxed, discountenanced

 

If you were the recipient of feedback from a powerful figure in your life, would you be taking something that causes a reaction to fit any of those words calmly?  Unlikely.  Any of those reactions would indicate a narcissistic injury in the most humble person.

 

The moral:  If you want someone to hear and accept what you are saying,  find a tactful, non-threatening set of words to convey what you want to have heard and understood.  Otherwise, you might as well talk to yourself.

 

                           Happy Valentine's Day