Showing posts with label gaining self-confidence by living with what is within myself. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gaining self-confidence by living with what is within myself. Show all posts

Saturday, November 19, 2011

DEFINING YOURSELF Part 2

Part 1 did not discuss the degree of effect other people influence how we define ourselves.  Parents who continually call their kids 'stupid' or other pejorative names, teachers who do nothing positive to support a child, persons of authority neither protecting a child against sexual abuse not refrain from committing it themselves, and those who do not listen to children and try to determine how they see themselves contribute to negative self-images.

When children have low self-esteem, they do not work toward goals for which they get no positive reinforcement.  They may get stomach aches,m head aches and, without question, live under great psychic stress manifesting itself in illnesses, lethargy, depression, acting out and dangerous behavior to mention a few.

Children may not have the words to describe how they feel about themselves but they give off clues that tell a great deal.  Most children may become shy and 'internalize' the negatives they feel about themselves.  In households where the adults do not share much about themselves, children may feel responsible for the unhappiness, illness, death, or divorce in the family.

Until a person can develop a strong sense of self, they are dependent on the feedback they get from others. If they have previously been traumatized, have PTSD, a visible disability for which their mobility, intellectual capacity, or appearance is compromised, they do not have a fertile foundation in which to grow a good sense of self without a great deal of external support  If they are clinically depressed, that empty feeling in the pit of their stomach that never goes away, makes it impossible for them to accept that people are being sincere when giving compliments.

Children who have low esteem grow up to be adults with low self-esteem unless they have had a great deal of help to see themselves differently.  However, even when grows up with self-confidence it can be lost in adulthood by negative and unfair work evaluations, firing off a job, divorce, false arrest, and so many other unpleasant life experiences.

The bumper sticker which suggests committing a random act of kindness would make all our lives far more pleasant.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

BEING TOLD I MUST HAVE FAITH TURNED ME OFF TO ORGANIZED RELIGION MANY DECADES AGO.

In my head and thoughts, I have probably been an atheist most of my life, though never thought of it as a religion or that is took me out of the baptismal realm which I wore shortly after my birth. My awareness that I could not believe in any of the churches which I had attended started before I ended my first ten years..  I went to a Community Church in the Midwest when my children were young because I thought they needed a foundation in which to believe or to rebel, as they saw fit when they could think about it. I enjoyed the sermons somewhat as I had enjoyed some of my college professors but it did not connect to my early religious church experiences where fasting and communion were a requirement, where the services were conducted in what to me was a foreign language, and where my boredom had me counting men's bald heads and ceiling tiles to be able to continue sitting there..

More recently, as decade after decade passesin my life, I realize that I remain not at all convinced that Man is the highest power in the universe;  nor do I believe that God created Man in 'his' image, nor can I make myself believe in the man-written Bible, Kuran, Talmud or whatever of any religion I have read about.

Many of my friends, which should not come as a surprise, are many for whom I have a great deal of respect as people who live moral and ethical lives and are Atheists.  It has never occurred to me to think too much about my beliefs defining who I am...I just am.  Because the forms I filled out never had a space for' Atheist' until recently, I always defined myself as a member of the faith in which I had been christened as an infant... that of my parents, though I never attended church, prayed, or respected the rituals of the church as soon as I was old enough to begin to question what I was seeing and exposed to...communion, holy water, holy bread, incense making my asthma flare up, and hosts of other impositions to my view of reality.

Today, I read an interesting article in AlterNet: 10 myths about Atheism.  I would not just copy it and cannot and will not claim it as my own, other than that I found it something with which I could relate.  To read this article, click here.