THE SPACE PRICE FOR CONVENIENCE

Years ago I realized I live in a 'blivet'. (In traditional U.S. Army slang dating back to the Second World War, a blivet was defined as "ten pounds of manure in a five pound bag" (a proverbial description of anything egregiously ugly or unmanageable); it was applied to an unmanageable situation, a crucial but substandard or damaged tool, or a self-important person)  As time passed the blivet state continues and the rooms seemed to shrink.  I finally realized that it didn't matter that six children left and should have created a vacuum, I still walk through the house as an obstacle course.  Workmen tell me my basement is a fire hazard.  My new rule is:  If I haven't used it in thirty years, it should go (with the exception of the slate topped pool table which is under a lot of it and will come back to life when cleared).

In an epiphany today, I finally understood my problem.  No one else's house is as convenient as mine is for me.  There is are five TVs, 3 ovens and a microwave (should the unlikely urge to cook grip me), a box of tissues is within reach of any surface on which one may sit as well as a wastebasket or two (depending on how far one might have to make an accurate toss) in every room.,  That is only a beginning.  Having worked for most of my life I somehow thought I needed to store stuff because I wouldn't be free to leave to buy at will. So as soon as I finish something, I replace it with a backup and then immediately must replace the used back up. I have two iTouches (in case I lose one or it runs out of battery) and back the addresses up in a regular old fashioned (yes, the write-in kind. I practiced Palmer Method script through grade school), though I hardly take pictures any more I have two digital cameras so as not to get caught without one charged (this does not account for why I am usually caught with only one camera and a dead battery), I have three pairs of glasses and a backup for my electric toothbrush since I assumed it would fail years ago instead of acting like the energizer bunny.

There is enough stuff to start a stationery store, having bought everything I might need sometime.  I could stock a drug store, a library, a small restaurant, and the local bar.  My worst fantasy is that should my home be on a tornado path, I will put my neighbors in jeopardy with all the debris that will fly out of my house.  It is too late to make a New Year's resolution and too late to give up my life style for Lent (though I never felt that urge).  I think, rather than 'wear purple when I am old' I shall just have to leave my surplus behind as revenge to my children for always taking things and never putting them back, forcing me to create 'hidden backups' . (Once when I went on a treasure hunt through the house for a pair of scissors, I found 22 pairs of them, none of them put back where they had formerly lived.)

It is amazing that I have yet to kill these old habits.  Now that I think of it, I don't know anyone who left this life with a clean house and completely organized life.  Never having striven to be a first at anything, I think I'll go read a book and solve this later.

IN MEMORIAM: GEORGE CARLIN

George Carlin was too young to die by our current actuarial standards. While Tim Russert was eulogized for days and days, I will miss George Carlin most. Tim Russert left a hole in the media water and it will be immediately filled. Carlin leaves so much original material, it will take much longer for him to be replaced on the humor and humane circuit.

George Carlin was a thinker 'outside the box'. He shocked some people and was very clear that the profanity was his spice in his 'stew'. Always frank and addressing truth as he saw it, he gave opinion on religion and many other topics. He could see things as no one else seemed to define them. His monologue on Stuff was hysterically funny and hit so truthfully.

The applause he got should never be forgotten. His Pro-life in Anti-woman monologue is what many people believe but few can say so well. He could add much to any discussion, far more than most of the journalists on TV. For that reason, even Keith Olbermann had him on Countdown and it was a far more interesting show than some of the self-appointed 'pundits' he occasionally has speaking.

I, for one of many, will feel the loss of this man's brilliant mind and his ability to make us hear messages when he wrapped them in humor. Thank you for leaving us your recorded wit. You will never be forgotten.