Recently I was asked to be on the Board of Directors of an interest group. The group focus is Classic Jazz. It is not a surprise that most of the attendees are senior citizens as are three of the four board members. I am the only woman.
Discussing tasks of board members, one member brought up need for refreshments at meetings. The group which has existed for over 20 years, has not regularly had refreshments served, though some of the individuals who present programs have, in the past, brought a plate of cookies or brownies. Not surprisingly, the cooking task has fallen onto the spouse who usually attends only that meeting. (Many members are not married to spouses who share their same interest in 'mouldy fig' jazz.
Having been in other groups, there has always been a great deal of ambivalence about whether refreshments should be served and by whom. As this was my first board meeting, when it came time to restate the tasks each of us on the board has been assigned, the list ran through what the others are doing. I should mention that I have had a task which I have been fulfilling for several months before I was asked to join the board.
However, one gentleman in our group of four suggested that I wasn't carrying a heavy enough load of tasks and therefore should take on the job of assuring refreshments at every meeting. It took me no time to refuse, which seemed to startle the gentleman who made the suggestion. One of the other members asked him if the reason for which I was being asked is because I am a woman. This question was never answered. A suggestion was made that we poll the attendees as to those who wanted refreshments and those willing to volunteer to bring them. I should mention that recently a widowed, male, board member has been bringing brownies which he has baked. I made the comment that I have been in many groups at which there was discussion of food and even if a man offered, he usually thrust the obligation onto his spouse. Coffee makings and hot water for tea are served, and are set up by our sponsors.
Flashes of all the ways men have tried to get me to take on jobs because I am a female with such remarks as, "Oh, you have such lovely handwriting, why don't you take notes, become secretary, take on correspondence, etc" I'm sure men find it equally annoying to be asked to lift, repair, carry heavy packages, and whatever else we poor 'frail' women want to use them to do for us.
Clearly the genders are equal in many but not all ways. Stereotypes are getting in the way of our expectations and tempers. Genders, unite to make your boundaries clear. Do not let yourselves be type-cast into roles which do not fit for you and make an evening's entertainment unpleasant for you. It can only happen if you speak up and do not let yourself be talked into a job, threatened, or manipulated. There is room for both genders everywhere but in the same Komfort Kastle at the same time.
No comments:
Post a Comment