GENDERS ARE NOT EQUAL BUT, RATHER, COMPLEMENTARY

Recently I was asked to be on the Board of Directors of an interest group. The group focus is Classic Jazz. It is not a surprise that most of the attendees are senior citizens as are three of the four board members. I am the only woman.

Discussing tasks of board members, one member brought up need for refreshments at meetings. The group which has existed for over 20 years, has not regularly had refreshments served, though some of the individuals who present programs have, in the past, brought a plate of cookies or brownies. Not surprisingly, the cooking task has fallen onto the spouse who usually attends only that meeting. (Many members are not married to spouses who share their same interest in 'mouldy fig' jazz.

Having been in other groups, there has always been a great deal of ambivalence about whether refreshments should be served and by whom. As this was my first board meeting, when it came time to restate the tasks each of us on the board has been assigned, the list ran through what the others are doing. I should mention that I have had a task which I have been fulfilling for several months before I was asked to join the board.

However, one gentleman in our group of four suggested that I wasn't carrying a heavy enough load of tasks and therefore should take on the job of assuring refreshments at every meeting. It took me no time to refuse, which seemed to startle the gentleman who made the suggestion. One of the other members asked him if the reason for which I was being asked is because I am a woman. This question was never answered. A suggestion was made that we poll the attendees as to those who wanted refreshments and those willing to volunteer to bring them. I should mention that recently a widowed, male, board member has been bringing brownies which he has baked. I made the comment that I have been in many groups at which there was discussion of food and even if a man offered, he usually thrust the obligation onto his spouse. Coffee makings and hot water for tea are served, and are set up by our sponsors.

Flashes of all the ways men have tried to get me to take on jobs because I am a female with such remarks as, "Oh, you have such lovely handwriting, why don't you take notes, become secretary, take on correspondence, etc" I'm sure men find it equally annoying to be asked to lift, repair, carry heavy packages, and whatever else we poor 'frail' women want to use them to do for us.

Clearly the genders are equal in many but not all ways. Stereotypes are getting in the way of our expectations and tempers. Genders, unite to make your boundaries clear. Do not let yourselves be type-cast into roles which do not fit for you and make an evening's entertainment unpleasant for you. It can only happen if you speak up and do not let yourself be talked into a job, threatened, or manipulated. There is room for both genders everywhere but in the same Komfort Kastle at the same time.

GENDER EQUALITY

As I grieve, with much of the world, at the senseless death of Benizir Bhutto, I began to think about how 'more than equal' this woman was to most of the men in the world. She was well-educated, extraordinarily bright (started Harvard/Radcliffe at 16), educated at Oxford, and deeply committed to making this a better world for her country. The ridiculousness that some brainwashed ram in Bin Laden's flock could be the cause of her death; someone so ignorant that he thinks Allah wants him to kill, that he will be in his version of Heaven forever, and who obviously has not even read much about his own religion.

In some places, women risk their lives, as did Bhutto, but not for the good of the world but their own selfish gains. It is sad to think that women believe they must emulate men in order to be equal to them. Yet we all have our need for survival built into us, whatever the reason for our wish to continue living. We observe that the denial gene is in good health and thriving.

Years ago I heard Helen Kazantzakis (wife of the author of Zorba the Greek and other books) speak in Cambridge. She said there would be no more wars if women ran countries because they would never send their sons to be killed. However, if women continue to think they must be and think like men, this will change.

Our Department of Justice demonstrates how equality is handled by them. The information is from 2004, the most recent I could find, and is as follows:

Female inmates largely resemble male inmates in terms of race,
ethnic background, and age.  However, women are substantially
more likely than men to be serving time for a drug offense and
less likely to have been sentenced for a violent crime.
Nearly 6 in 10 female inmates grew up in a household with at
least one parent absent, and about half reported that an
immediate family member had also served time.  More than 4 in
10 reported prior physical or sexual abuse.

The hormonal nature of women does not make them as risk-taking and, normally, as violent as men. However, evolution does call for changes in adaptation and I have often wondered how we are evolving, as men lose their protective-from-the-elements bodily hair and women are forced to compete in this unsafe-for-them world. If men have for centuries been urged to impregnate any woman they meet as some scientists believe, women in our modern society must protect themselves against rape. Modern society dictates one marital union at a time but we all know there is yet a double standard. The USA still does not have the 28th amendment ratified. Does the fact that it was first introduced in 1923 indicate how strongly men have opposed (even in this country, though it is not an integral part of most religions) seeing their female counterparts as anything but a threat. The law no longer makes them their husband's chattel. Well, that's a baby step hurdle!